I’m sorry, I can’t help you May 27, 2008
A few weeks ago there was a post on Mormon Mommy Wars that really struck a cord with me. Actually, the author of this post related a story first. The story was nice, but what really hit me was her question at the end of her post. She said:
“The realization came to me that motherhood, or at least the mothering of really little children, can often curtail our efforts to serve outside our family. I’m sure all of us have served another mom at the park or something–picked up a crying kid, loaned somebody a wipe or diaper or two, or even watched one kid while the mom took the other to the potty. Stuff like that easily falls into our sphere of activity, and we do it readily. But the other kind of service, service to strangers–well, that’s a little trickier.
Does anybody else feel this way, that sometimes being a mom narrows your sphere of influence for good? Do any of you find ways to serve that go beyond the circle of your family without neglecting the needs of your kids?
I’m not saying serving our kids is a bad thing, and most of the time I feel like meeting their needs is all I can manage. But I have to admit that it felt good to give service that didn’t involve food, bodily fluids, or the wiping of a bum.”
I’d have to totally agree with her thoughts. I almost never can help anyone. Occasionally I can babysit, if the person can drop their kids off at my house and if I don’t have to run any of my own children somewhere at the same time. Otherwise, I seriously can’t help people. If I tried to go help someone, I’d have to get a babysitter for my own children. And since I’m clearly not paying a babysitter, I’d have to find someone willing to watch them for free. And what is the use of getting a friend to watch my kids for free so I can go help someone else? Something is wrong with this picture. Yes, it does make me feel bad when sign ups go around church for helpful volunteers and I can’t sign up. But right now my life revolves around helping my own family. Which trust me, is a huge job. I know that one day my kids will be older and won’t need me 24/7. Maybe I’ll even be able to leave them at home alone one day! (gasp!!) Then perhaps I can be helpful outside of my own home. Anyway, I too have to ask, does anyone else feel this way? How do you serve outside your home when you have several little children? Even little things are challenging, like when I get asked to take a meal to a sick person or a new mother. Even if I was able to get a double portion meal made, having to load my 4 kids into the car to deliver the meal during rush hour traffic is quite a sacrifice. I guess that’s what service typically is…sacrifice. If serving were always easy, then everyone would do it. Most often, service is a pain. But don’t you feel good afterwards that you helped someone out?
Though I’m looking forward to the days when I can help those outside the walls of my own home, I don’t want to wish away my children’s youth. They’re only little for a short while. And soon enough, they won’t even want to be around me any more.
I agree of course, which makes me even more grateful for the folks / mothers that are taking the time to help us out as we try to get things done with this upcoming move!
To everything there is a season. I think we have to give ourselves credit for the huge service that is motherhood, and for service in Church callings, etc.–stuff that we do everyday that we probably don’t think of as service. As our kids get older, I think it’s also important to teach them about service and create opportunities for them to be involved in service, even if it’s just in little ways to begin with–taking cookies to the neighbors, for example. And don’t forget the service of being a friend–phone calls, e-mail, even blog posts can be uplifting.
Have you ever read the blogposts on “Living sacrifice” on segullah.org/blog/ ???
They are cool talking about motherhood and sacrifice.
I remember a recent General Conference where someone talked about young mothers and how taking care of their kids is really the most important calling they have, and I firmly believe that. In fact, I think that even only having one kid seriously curtails your efforts to serve, because I certainly find myself in the same predicament. I find myself thinking often that if I can’t bring Jenna somewhere, then it’s really unlikely that I’ll go. Heavenly Father understands all this, and I’m sure that when our kids are older, we’ll be able to serve more.